The Birthday Curse

Ok, so since I was 30, I have had what I call the Birthday Curse.

Every year, either the day before, the day of, or the day after my birthday, something goes horribly wrong.

On my 30th birthday, I broke my foot looking for a tiara to wear to an ice hockey game.

One year, I had a miscarriage the day after my birthday.

One year, I was supposed to take Wyatt into surgery the day before my birthday . . . and we got to the hospital and they turned us down for surgery because he had a yeast infection. That's a long story. I think that was the year that the boy waiting on the bus in the Elmer Fudd hat gave me the finger too.

That gives you an idea of what seems to happen. I won't go thru every year.

However, this year was just like the others.

Saturday morning, I got up and I was hurrying to go to Nana's because it was opening day for gun season (deer) and I was taking lunch over for the guys.

I scooped Wyatt up in my arms because I couldn't find his shoes and headed out the door. Unfortunately, it had been raining and our wooden steps were slick . . . very slick.

I managed to cradle him enough that he didn't get hurt when I went down on my back. But, I was in a lot of hurt. I thought I would be ok though, so I went on out to Nana's. It didn't take long to realize that something was really wrong.

So, Nana and Aunt BB watched Wyatt while I ran in to see the doc in the box. When he went to check my knee, I had to explain that I had almost no feeling in the right side of my right knee due to a surgery mishap nearly 10 years ago and that I have a metal rod in my right thigh. Unfortunately, they decided that I needed x-rays. The nurse came in with one of those slimming, fashionable hospital gowns and announced that I needed to change into it for x-rays.

Now, I tend to feel I have a very expressive face. Apparently, at that moment, my face expressed how I felt about changing into the hospital gown. The nurse literally took a step back from me and started explaining why I needed to do it.
I personally feel that if an x-ray machine can see thru a hospital gown, why couldn't it see thru my shirt?

But, after about 30 seconds of awkward conversation by the nurse, I agreed to put the gown on. They let me keep my jeans and socks (if you know me well, you know why the sock thing is important) on.


She asked if I needed help with it and I let her know that I have PLENTY of experience with hospital gowns. As she was shuffling (and that's how I was walking at that point) to the x-ray room, she was trying to make sure my gown back stayed closed. I reminded her that most people would not get excited over seeing my back (remember, I had pants on) and to stop worrying about it. If someone got worked up over seeing a tattoo (or two) that was their problem.

Once in the x-ray room, the nurse handed me this REALLY heavy lead apron and asked if I could just hold it up over my waist with only my left hand while they x-rayed my right shoulder. Oh sure, why not?

As she went to duck out of the room to do the x-ray, she looked back and asked me if I thought I might be pregnant. I think I surprised her with my HELL NO! answer.

So, we got done with that x-ray and they needed to do my knee. She basically tells me to "hop" up on the table. It took some maneuvering, but I got up there with minimal pain.

Unfortunately, when she grabbed my toes to point them outwards, the pain was NOT minimal and I let her know what I thought of it. I also pointed out how stupid it was that they needed me to remove my shirt for a shoulder x-ray but not my denim jeans for a knee x-ray.

So, it came out that I had bruised the bone in my shoulder. My knee is fine. But, I will be sore all over from the fall for several days and it will take a while for the bruse on the bone to heal.

The doctor did tell me after the x-ray that the metal rod in my right thigh was impressive. I thanked him for noticing. I'm not sure he found that as funny as I did.

My directives? Rest. Yeah, the man totally doesn't get it, does he? At least they gave me some Lortab to take the edge off the pain. And, that's all it's doing. It's not getting rid of it.

So, if you need me, I will be in Lortab Land.