Singles Ads

There have been a lot of commercials for online dating services lately. It's getting annoying.

While I am sure that there has to be some science to it . . . I find it weird.

It got me to thinking on the way home about my own experience with a personals ad several years ago . . . obviously while I was single.

I used to breeze thru the singles ad on a fairly regular basis because I found it curious. Who were all these people "advertising" that they wanted a date. And, I loved figuring out what the "codes" meant. SWF, DBM, ISO, LTR etc.

What always got me was camping. I personally feel that not THAT many people can be interested in camping. It must be code for something else that I don't understand . . . some subculture that I am obviously not part of.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is (I think) that, one night, while lounging on the couch, I was reading the personals out loud to my roommate. She is a whole different story for some other time.

We then thought it would be funny to make up what MY personals ad would say. So, I scribbled it in the margin of the paper while we giggled about it.

Then, after SEVERAL beers (and probably a joint), I decided to do it. What harm could come of it? At worst, no one would be interested in me. At best, I might meet someone who is ok.

So, I learned that one should not drink and read the personals. Why?

I had exactly two dates (two different men) from my ad. Oh wait, I should back up. I should tell you what my ad said.

Now, I can't remember EXACTLY what it said (remember, several beers), but it said something like . . .

SWF - 30 year old female. 5'4", 102 lbs (yeah, it was YEARS ago) blonde/blue girl-next-door type looking for SWM. Age 25-45 (I'm an open minded woman when it comes to age) 6 ft. +, 220+ lb, must be educated and have sense of humor. Dark hair/eyes preferred. East Coast/Chicago accents preferred. Looking for "casual dating"

Ok, "casual dating" was the best term I could come up for what I really wanted. I didn't think they would allow what I really wanted to be printed in the local paper. (Cover your eyes Dad)

First of all, my roommate laughed at calling myself the girl-next-door type. She didn't think that fit me at all. But, when pressed for a better adjective, she couldn't come up with one. I was going for the "average" type but didn't want to use that word.

What did I get from my ad?

The first guy called. He seemed ok. He wanted to meet that evening at the Starbucks just off of Kirkwood. I didn't have anything better to do . . . so I beautified myself and went to town. I HATE Kirkwood, but I thought it might be worth it. Was I wrong.

I had a cup of tea and we chatted for a while. He seemed pretty dumb, but seemed harmless.

He asked me at one point if I was a smoker. I figured this was a deal breaker but answered truthfully. He said he could tell because I was starting to bounce my leg.

He offered me the chance to walk around downtown with him so that I could smoke. Excuse me, but smokers don't tend to like to take walks. But, I agreed because I wanted to talk a little more and really needed the cigarette.

We ended up at the Irish Lion by a very long route. He stopped and asked if I would like to go in and have a drink. I felt that I could surely use one at that point.

We go in and sit down. I ordered a beer . . . and he orders water. Did I forget to mention that he's a "personal trainer"? I think I did.

I asked him why he wasn't having a drink and he said he didn't ruin his body by drinking and smoking. Oh Lord.

So, we continued to talk for a bit and then decided it was getting late. He kind of acted like he wanted to give me a kiss but I had already warned him that I didn't kiss on the first date.

Close your eyes Dad . . . unless, of course, we ended up knocking boots on the first date . . . but he and I didn't.

So, he asked if he could see me again. I thought it was pointless but I agreed. He said he would take me out on Thursday of that week for dinner.

I went home and told my roommate how it went. She gave me a hard time for agreeing to a second date. My other roommate had company and they asked who I had gone out with. When I told them his name, they said they had went to school with him and he was an idiot and somewhat psycho.

FANTASTIC!

I was really dreading going out to dinner that week. He called me just a few hours before the date and said that he had to go do something for him mom but asked if he could call me later to reschedule. I was relieved that he cancelled but reluctantly agreed that he could call me.

He never did . . . thank goodness.

Ok, this went on longer than I thought. And the other story is long too . . . so I will post about it later on.

It involves a secret phone call from a bar bathroom . . . it's really funny.